Its Sunday, 5:30 AM. My mother just woke me up from a nightmare of me in my late 30's, sitting behind a desk and typing, only to deal with a new one; its 1995, and I have to get ready for school! It takes a hot minute before this noggin gets into gear, so I go through the morning ablutions on autopilot. As my last fake-cry for 'stomach ache' gets ignored, and I am being shipped off to school, I think to myself, why my mom was so resolute about that 5:30 AM wakeup call, even though school starts at 8; its 1995, so no crazy 2-hour tailbacks, and our own car was outside waiting. I could have easily gotten up at 7 AM, and still made it just in time for class.

"Well, I know you need your time after waking up. You are slow in the bathroom. And you need to eat because your break is at 11 AM, and I don't want you to stay hungry till then. And if you are late during assembly, you'll get an earful, so I am sparing you that too."

That would be my mother's reasoning, except she never said it out loud. Of course she didn't. She is a brown parent, after all. That, and my mother was more about actions than words. I came to this conclusion in my 30's, a time when you have enough humility to find your own faults, and have a better awareness for your folks.

Mothers, you see, are strange creatures. They aren't always master communicators, but they know all of our shortcomings, and shape us in ways we only realise once we become actual adults. And for all our belly-aching, they stand resolute, to the point of coming out as a villain, if you see things with 2025 sensibilities. We will see different phases of our mother as we go through time, and with it, different lessons that will shape us. When we are young, they are stern, almost unaffable. Why? That's the discipline phase, of course.

For example, couldn't she have told me this reason growing up? Wouldn't the eight-year-old me get it? Probably not, or worse, take advantage of the weak moment and press the 'stomach ache' get-out-of-school excuse card. So, eight-year-old me probably needed this warden more than I would like to admit.

Now, I am in 1997, during summer vacation. My aunt and cousins are over for a visit. I take my cousin (five years younger) out to play 'borof paani' with my other cousins. While running, she falls and scraps her knee. With my aunt busy consoling her, my mother berates me for being irresponsible and letting her get hurt despite explaining she fell because of the uneven street. However, she would hear none of it. She was with me, she was younger than me, and she was hurt. It was a failure of my responsibility as her elder brother.

This incident drove into me the lesson that our juniors need us to look out for them. It was also a big lesson in taking responsibility for someone when they are with me. Was there perhaps another way to get this lesson? Perhaps, but not that early in life, and not that resolutely.

1999. We are all at this family function at a relative's place. I was chatting up with another cousin. It was nice. You see, most of my cousins are either much younger than me, or much older than me, so it was nice to talk to someone my age for once! So, me and her sat at the balcony and we talked about life, or at least how life was apparently awful for 12-year-olds, and how we couldn't wait to grow up! My mom came for me twice, asking me to try the kebabs as they were really good. But I was too engrossed talking about wanting to be an adult fast! That, and too many people make me nervous. After an hour or so, by which time, I was sure they ran out of kebabs, my mom suddenly came to me with a wrapped-up tissue bundle; in it were 3 kebabs she saved for me. When a relative caught my mom's eye, she smiled and said, "This idiot loves kebabs!"

Things my mother would have a hard time winning awards for was expressing her thoughts/emotions truthfully. Why? Well, perhaps they assume our ego would get too big if they adore us, you know, typical brown parent thing. However, she would win every award when it came to actions, because be it holding my hands at the dentist, or turning my head the other way when I was getting an injection because I was, and still am, afraid of needles, just like her, or slipping a few kebabs aside for her dolt son.

Back in 2000, Igloo Mega was the new sugary goodness, and everyone was raving on about them. You could say it was trending. School just finished, and there was my mom, waiting at the parent's corner. A friend just described Mega to me, and I had to have it. So, I started pestering my mom then and there. Pestering is a mild term, looking back at it now, as I was basically whinnying loudly non-stop, and tugging her in front of all the other parents. Mom had enough, grabbed my arm, gave me 'The Look' and dragged me to the car. The ride back home was silent, but the moment we stepped foot in the house, she went nuclear. "Do I not feed you?" "Do you not get what you ask for?" "You asked once. That was enough!" All the traditional brown parent handbook's comeback phrases were exhausted.

Was there a lesson there? Other than maybe not embarrass her the way I did? Yes of course. With mothers, you never know when you are being schooled. This lesson? Having manners, not creating a scene, listening and not reacting, not to be a whiner, and most importantly, respect. Pretty good lessons to come out of this ice cream memory trip, especially considering, later on, when I got to the try the ice cream, it really didn't live up to the hype.

I was studying in Dhanmondi for my O' levels back in 2003-2004. However, when you are 16 or 17, the only mandate is to be 'cool.' How? Play the latest video games, hang out with your friends at 'happening' Pizza Hut, and of course, be in a relationship, because you just transitioned from 'girls… cooties' to 'will you marry me.' And in such a conducive environment as Dhanmondi, you fall in love every 30 seconds, unless of course, your mom follows you everywhere and makes sure you stay in line, and in so doing, kills all hopes of a social life. Why? Just so I score well in O' levels? It would seem, as usual, mothers know beforehand, and best.

Despite her monitoring, I did manage to land a girlfriend. However, when it came to that inevitable first heartbreak, you learn that teenagers just can't see past the pain. My mother, one of very little words, only said, fall in love when you get to university. Not like I listened, but what she said had sound logic. Find your one, and settle down. A valuable lesson, in an era, where anything but love is off-limits. This was the start of a softer, more understanding/forgiving side of my mother, for I feel the discipline arc had been complete.

In your mid-30s, people left-right-and-centre has only one query; when will you get married? Surely, the 30-somethings reading this now can relate to this one hard, regardless of gender. And what's worse is the emotional manipulation people whip out of their bag of horrors. The men's side of the conversation usually goes like this; "With your parents getting old, its time you marry someone who can help you take care of them." Why? Am I not enough to take care of them? Why do I need to bring someone else's daughter to take care of my mom?

Seems I have been imprinted without even knowing it. My mother, while being desperately ill, asked if I wanted to get married. I asked whether she wanted me to, to which she replied, "Why would someone else care for me? Do it when YOU are ready. Don't worry about me. You always took your time, but you did things right. So, do it when you are ready."

Mothers are an important element in any child's development. And for sons, mothers are THE most important element in their development. A son wouldn't always choose to be vulnerable with their father, call it male ego but it is what it is. A mother can break this façade and communicate better, without any retaliation. It wouldn't at all be a stretch to say that a mother shapes their son's moral compass. And not a word of lie when I say nobody will love you the way your mother does.

It is also not a stretch to say that your house only becomes a home when your mother is there. For those of you unfortunate enough to know what that means, all I can say is sorry. It has been almost exactly a year since my mother passed away. Since then, like my heart, my empty hallway is a stark reminder of my loss. Where once I could see my mother sitting or lying on her bed from my door and across the hallway, now I see an empty chair and a spot on the bed, and a framed picture of my smiling mother.

On Mother's Day, social media is filled with everyone taking selfies with their moms, and to be honest, I always found that 'too tiktok-y and influencer-ish.' While my stance remains the same, I would say take that selfie, and take some more. Because one day, you will yearn to see her, and this will be one way. The other? To see yourself as the person she has shaped you up to be.