Dr Muhammad Yunus. Photo: Star File

If a pucca or authentic Bangladeshi's mother tongue must be Bangla, then count me out. Bangla is my second language! My mother tongue is a colloquial dialect spoken around my hometown Feni, which has some vague resemblance to Bangla. While the natives of the Feni-Noakhali area can pronounce individual P and F perfectly, they cannot help but switch the two letters in words to the chagrin of the listeners!
Here is a classic Feni Benglish: “Ai Farty-te Pun Nai” (There is no fun in this party.) I have actually been asked: “Afni ki Poren-ae Thaken?” (Do you live in a foreign land?) My wife and sister-in-law were in stitches on a recent visit to our ancestral village when they asked one of our cousins to buy a phone card and his response was: “Fre-Faid, na Fost-Faid”? (Pre-paid or Post-paid?)
“Khash Noakhalians” take such malapropism one degree deeper into unintelligibility. My mother-in-law once asked a Noakhalian what time it was. She thought that the bizarre response, “Aantlai Hanstaijjai,” was a mixture of Arabic and French! (It means, “I think it is 5”).
Correct enunciation requires perfect tongue-mouth-throat coordination, and muscle work. Colloquial Bangla speakers bypass the hard work, while still being comprehensible. People from our area call their town, “Heni,” because it requires less effort to pronounce than “Feni.”
While those from the “Royal District” (Feni-Noakhali) are fully cognizant of their elocutionary deficiencies, and would do anything to hide their linguistic inferiority complex, fellow butchers of the Bengali language – the Chittagonians and the Sylhetis – show no such remorse! They confidently burst into Chittagonian and Sylheti dialects as soon as they encounter someone from their district. Some Sylhetis even defer to their Assamese heritage and refuse to call themselves Bangalis! Nevertheless, Feni, Noakhali, Chittagong and Sylhet are considered part of Bangladesh.
Since pure spoken Bangla is not a prerequisite for a Bangladeshi, what about those whose mother tongue is not Bangla? Although everyone in Bangladesh speaks some Bangla, some Bangladeshis' mother tongue is Urdu or tribal languages. Are they any less Bangladeshi than those whose mother tongue is Bangla? I don't think so. On the contrary, many of them, both at home and abroad, have contributed enormously to the independence and subsequent development of Bangladesh. They are as patriotic, if not more so, than some native Bangla-speakers. Clearly, proficiency in spoken Bangla is not a requirement to be a Bangladeshi.
What about ethnicity? Except for the tribals, Bangladeshis are ethnically fairly homogenous. While “Bangladesh” connotes the land of the Bangalis, there is no dispute that the tribals and those of Mongoloid origin in the Chittagong Hill Tracts – who are not Bangalis - are as Bangladeshi as Bangalis.
What about religion? Bangladesh hosts Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Christians and animists. Fortunately, religion is not an issue when it comes to who is a Bangladeshi. Religious diversity is one of the reasons why Bangladesh is a moderate nation. When a child grows up with children belonging to other religions, his outlooks broadens, because other religions are not mere abstractions anymore - there are human faces to go with it. Bangladesh is a richer nation because it is multi-religious.

Wasfia Nazreen, Photo: Star File

What about the immigrants? This is a no brainer. Most immigrants to Bangladesh are from the surrounding Indian states, mostly West Bengal. Ethnically, culturally and gastronomically they wholeheartedly subscribe to the larger Bangali culture, and therefore, seamlessly integrate into the Bangladeshi society.
What about those who have forsaken Bangladesh – the expatriates? It is possible to take a Bangladeshi out of Bangladesh, but, it is not possible to take Bangladesh out of a Bangladeshi! Wherever they may be, the expatriates speak Bangla at home, eat Deshi food, listen to Bangla songs, and watch Bangla movies. Whatever passport a person born and brought up in Bangladesh may hold, at heart he/she remains a Bangladeshi. It may be hard for those living inside Bangladesh to believe, but, in my experience expatriate Bangladeshis are more patriotic, and are more ready to serve their motherland. They remain steadfastly focused on events at home, especially politics.
They are tormented by the political impasse, sectarian violence and the never-ending hartals that impede Bangladesh's economic progress. Expatriate Bangladeshis are proud that their homeland is a democracy, but are adamant that all the major political parties must participate in a general election for the results to be valid.
Expatriate Bangladeshis celebrated Dr Muhammad Yunus's Nobel Peace Prize and Sir Fazle Hasan Abed's knighthood with gusto. They exult and anguish at the fortunes of Bangladesh cricket team. They were over the moon when Nishat Majumder and Wasfia Nazreen scaled Mount Everest. They remain immensely proud that two ladies – Sheikh Hasina and Khaleda Zia – have led Bangladesh for the last 23 years.
Bangladeshis are simple people well known for their generosity and legendary hospitality. They happily subsist on rice, dal, bhaji and fish, with an occasional Rosgolla for dessert. They are cerebral, with a sense of humour, and culture-oriented with love for literature, especially poetry, and songs. They are tolerant, with the credo, “live and let live.” They may have a short fuse, but are enterprising and resilient. They quickly recover from devastating floods and cyclones. With apologies to Sir Noel Coward, hard-working Bangladeshis do move about, and like “Mad dog and Englishmen go out in the midday sun!”
The turmoil in Pakistan can be traced to the fact that it is actually four nations – Punjabi, Sindhi, Baluchi and Pathan. Sri Lanka suffered 30 years of conflict because the Sinhalese and the Tamils were at loggerheads. Four distinct major ethnicities – Pashtun, Tajik, Hazara, Uzbek – and many smaller ones, make it hard for Afghanistan to function as a unified nation.
Homogeneity is Bangladesh's greatest strength. Most Bangladeshis are of the same racial stock, are non-communal, speak some version of the Bengali language, eat the same kind of simple food, and love the arts. Homogeneity should propel Bangladesh to sprint ahead of other nations in the subcontinent.
Still aren't sure who a Bangladeshi is? It is someone who subscribes to the Bangladeshi culture, who calls himself/herself a Bangladeshi, and who has Bangladesh's interest at heart.