Faustina Pereira, Shuchi Karim, Munize Manzur, Ferdous Azim and Razia Iqbal talk about sex and sexuality at a packed session titled 'Commonwealth Writers Conversation: The Untold Story'. Photo: Prabir Das

There is probably no topic as taboo and as controversial as sex and women's sexuality in our society. Whenever there is an open public discussion on a woman's sexual rights, members of the moral police are quick to jump in, demanding an end to the 'obscene' conversation.
The small auditorium at Bangla Academy was overflowing with people eager to hear what a group of women had to say about a subject that is mostly only discussed in hushed tones in living room debates or at seminars aimed at educating a specific target group. Academicians Firdous Azim and Shuchi Karim, Director of Human Rights and Legal Aid Services programme of BRAC, Faustina Pereira and writer Munize Manzur discussed how creative expressions could help women tackle difficult topics at a session titled 'Commonwealth Writers Conversation: The Untold Story', moderated by journalist Razia Iqbal, at this year's Hay Festival.
When Munize Manzur first began writing, her intentions were quite clear. Growing up, she says, there wasn't any conversation in her family regarding sex at all. Manzur didn't want her daughter growing up in a similar environment where discussions on sex, sexuality and feelings are discarded.
“It was a selfish start,” says Manzur. “I did not want to make a statement; I just wanted to say something for my sake and for my daughter's sake.”

Photo: Prabir Das

There is a list of “respectable” topics that a woman is allowed to talk about in a public sphere. She will immediately be put on the dock if she even attempts to talk about something that goes against the social definition of acceptable. “The moment we start talking about women's sexuality and her body, it becomes a taboo subject, something that is not respectable. The common perception of our society is that women's sexual desires, thier sexuality should remain a private, personal thing,” says Firdous Azim.

It's only possible to talk about women's sexuality if the conversation is couched in the language of rights and marginalized spaces and people, she added. “When you want to discover and talk about middle-class sexuality, the taboos are brought in,” she said.
When asked about literature that young women could read to understand their sexuality, Ferdous Azim said that one of the books that opened her up to her sexuality was Simone de Beauvoir's 'Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter.' “I just couldn't stop reading this book, as I couldn't believe that this 'good girl' could do all these things, including walking around the streets of Paris as a street walker as she called it,” she added.
Faustina Pereira stated that framing sexuality within a Muslim majority identity was problematic. Arguing that women's sexuality was an issue that most other countries grappled with whether they were a Muslim majority or not, Pereira cites the example of Italy which she says is struggling with rising incidents of domestic violence and sexual abuse.
“Rights-based activists do talk a lot about sex and it gets discussed a lot in courts as well. However, this is a far cry from having a proper, extensive discussion on sexuality. We are far from discussing sexuality that includes sex but it’s far more than just that. It speaks to experiential understanding of sexuality, the way you look at the world, the way your moral, ethical and even economic framework is sorted out. But I think that this is a good time to be having this panel because the concept of sexuality is coming more and more into the public domain of the country,” said Pereira.
Replying to Iqbal's question of whether young people felt confident enough to talk freely to about their sexuality during her PhD Shuchi Karim answered, “While doing my research, I found out that people are dying to talk about sex and sexuality. But here's where language becomes a problem. We have a panel in English, and people seem to appreciate the conversation. Speaking in English about sexuality is relatively easy but to express it on a daily basis in your own language is difficult,” she said.
Talking about whether religion is the normative doctrine that prevents people from talking about sexuality and issues relating to sex, Karim opined that religion for most people was a personal affair. Citing the example of a homosexual girl from a village, Karim said, “She was a mollah's (Muslim scholar) daughter and she had no words in Bangla or English to put across her expression. But using her limited vocabulary, she explained to me that even though she was a mullah's daughter, she had come to realise that her desire for this particular woman was so pure that she could negotiate with her God regarding it.”
Every member of the panel agreed that creative writing could help to create a ripple effect in the society. Writing about sexuality and sex could bring about the changes that we desire to see in society. Creative literary works, if written with personal insights, could definitely change the way sex is perceived in our society.